why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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