People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
