Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Randomize
