Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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