first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
