No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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