im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
organizing the empties. That sober.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
