Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
