um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
