i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
