This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
