I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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