his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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