I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
