I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
