Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
