My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
