he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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