I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just threw up on my dentist
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
