ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
