hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Pants are for mortals
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
