You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
