We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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