he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
