i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You took a bar mat shot.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
