I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
