oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
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They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
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I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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