I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
