Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
