I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
