I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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