The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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