Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Randomize
