if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
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She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
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I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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