i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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