Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
