Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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