Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
