So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
