Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
