i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dicks are not precious.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
