nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
