Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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