when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Randomize
