Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I could fuck to npr.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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