Having a random hookup so left but love u
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize