no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
