I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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