I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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