FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
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Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
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The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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