we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Church boner. Awkwardddd
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
