we have pet lesbian snakes
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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