used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
