i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
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