One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
