somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
They have beer where we have blood.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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