conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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