I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
