I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
