apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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