i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
