A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
