Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
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He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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