You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
