3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
