What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
