I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
