My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize