Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
50% drunk capacity currently
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
